Temani Aku

Layaknya gelap malam,

Yang indah karna bintang.

.............

Layaknya sang penyair,

Yang elok karna puisi.

..............

Bagiku kau bintang,

Selayak puisi,

Tetaplah di sini peri kecilku.

Bagiku kau bintang,

Selayak puisi,

Temani aku selamanya.

notes: melodi yang hinggap di cuping telinga dari kecik sampai ke besar..

I'm not into it

Aku degil.

Selain degil, mungkin pasif. Sikitlah.Okay itu tipu, kau tak kenal aku mungkin kau akan kata begitu.

Aku tak suka mengampu. Tak suka dibuli. Jadi bila orang beri perhatian aku macam cepat percaya. Bila orang kata sayang aku, aku cair, dan aku pegang sampai mati. Bila orang mula kata sayang pun andaikata dia bohong aku percaya. Sebab aku pendendam. Cepat percaya, dan cepat juga lup.

Aku tak suka perhatian itu di alih. Bila aku rasa teralih aku diamlah. Tapi aku lihat. Aku ikut. Aku sakit hati. Aku biarkan. Aku abaikan. Lepas tu aku tengok balik bila rindu. Macam tulah pada semua yang aku kata sayang. Walau bukan darah daging, setakat belanja cokelat hacks pun aku dah ingat sampai mati. Kalau kata kau artis sekalipun aku tetap pandang yang cuma engkau yang aku kenal dulu, buat supersaver hari-hari tanya khabar, mengadu. Yang itu. Tak pedulilah siapa kau di mata siapa, yang penting siapa kau di mata aku.

Well you know, tangan yang memberi tu memang mulia. Dan tolonglah sedar yang tangan menerima ni berbunga hatinya, besar harapannya. Nasihat, canda tawa, peluh, peluk cium, gurau manja tu semua dikira.

Melainkan kau ex-boyfriend 5 tahun aku yang lalu, itu kau tak di kira.

Terharu. Kalau surat rasanya dah lipat kecik kecik letak bedak taruk bawah bantal.

Teenage Scene

Betul cakap mommy,
kalau nak bercinta, biar sampai dah kerja, jangan buang masa blablabla etc.

as a teenager, mesti nak argue, mommy tak faham true love, mommy lain liya lain, liya bukan macam mommy...blablabla etc.

Up till this point, I UNDERSTAND.
and maybe, I'll say the same thing to my sons and daughters, and I'm gonna expect the same reply they'll give to me as what I had told my mom.

Masa skolah, all you want is a person who cares for you, dah pandai bawak kereta ( itu dah kira macho sangat and dreams came true ), stick with you all day and all night, hantar bunga, hantar notes, hantar candy time dalam kelas, tetibe budak budak kelab penyayang, ketuk pintu kelas, sebut nama kite, sbb dapat candy dari seseorg. :) aww so sweet!

Masa kat uni, all you want is a person who is on the right track, charismatic, good looking and could take care of you when you're away from the family. Occasionally suprises you with flowers on your special days, hantar biskut, pandai gaul dengan kawan kawan, dapat bawak jalan jalan luar uni etc.

Bila dah habis belajar, you'll realised, that's not exactly JUST what you need in a man. You don't mind he's not spending his day and night just for you. No need for non stop text messaging, even you yourself don't want that anymore. Now the reality begins, you want a person who could take care of you for the rest of your life, support you emotionally and financially, able to marry you, able to provide you a reasonably sweet wedding, have a good and stable job, a car, some investment in the making etc.

Nanti dah kahwin, lain pulak ceritanya...

Things are getting more rational and not just about your feelings.
Your expectation increase.
You will never feel you have enough.
You will feel tired. Tired of going through all the above just to get where you want to be now.
Only if you knew.
Only if you knew.

Some are lucky to have all 3 stages with the same person.
Some may not.
Some still working through it alone.
Some may be going through the stages together.
Some may be smart enough to not go through any of the above and straight to find their secured happiness.